I'm tired. Emotionally tired. I am at my wit's end. I am not giving up or anything dire, but I'm tired. I'm tired of always being 'on'. I'm tired of always worrying about my wife and my kids when it comes to the MS. I'm tired of doing the dishes all the time, doing the laundry all the time, tired of making sure the kids go to bed on time. I'm tired of telling the kids to be quiet because mom is resting. Tired of a lot of stuff. Everything revolves around the fucking MS.
I can't get a job that I have experience in which would provide the way I want. That would involve travel and I have to be home every night. I like being home every day, but it limits me.
I'm tired of it being about money. I'm tired of juggling bills and telling the kids no to basic summer activities.
I don't have back-up. There is no one out there that is willing to help me out. I want to take a break sometime so when I take care of home stuff, I might actually feel a little bit refreshed. Is that too much to ask?
I'm scared. At some point, the kids are going to have to get used to their mom being in a wheel chair. Hell, she hardly deals with it. She acts like, if she doesn't talk about it, then it's not as bad.
I know I am rambling, but I have to get this poison out. It's eating me alive. It makes me cry sometimes because I feel that I am dealing with this all by myself. I'm supposed to protect the kids, teach the kids, have fun with the kids, but I seem to do is do damage control with what the MS is doing.
That's it for now. The wife needs something.
